Cancel Culture

To my Father's side of the family, my Grandmother is Queen Mary. My Virgo Grandmother is a direct descendent of the Waccaman Siouan Tribe. With this lineage and her determination, she acquired her fortunes and inherited an undisclosed amount of acres in Wilmington. The monarchy may be distant but the regality of it all is alive and well. I'm sitting in my Buckhead studio and my father texts me. I love technology but I often wish phones did not exist. My stomach turns. I decide not to look at the message. I can't delete this thread. I need proof if anything crazy happens to me. I need proof because no one would ever believe me. I did some research on my name investigating via google and I'm not connected to my Father's side of the family at all ironically. I want to thank my Mother for ensuring I had her last name. My Aunt saying "you have to take this seriously" still rings in my mind. I’ve never felt like I had to protect myself from being attacked before. Today I’m hyper-aware whether it be someone after me because of my father or someone mad about the election results. I was interested in buying a weapon but they seem to be sold out everywhere since the riots started. I have mace and a switchblade but even that is not enough to ease the anxiety I feel every time I leave my house. Perhaps a big and protective dog but they wouldn't be out of a puppy phase for a couple of months at the least and I can't take them with me on my commute to work. I haven't written anything in a while. I've been so distracted by everything. I try not to let the negative thoughts cloud my thinking. Why do insecurities plague us? Why is it easier to be our own worst enemy than it is to be our own best cheerleader? I need to get out of the house. I haven't seen my sis in a while. Not since she asked me if I would help her clean her brother's house for a fee. Her stepdad does real estate too and he was selling their house. I agreed without hesitation because quite honestly any activity with my friend is worth attending. Oddly there was a power play in direction of how to best execute cleaning. Then the repeat "I'll cash app you" She had never been so adamant. Yet she wasn't hitting me up about that, she wants to see if I'm available for a bike ride. My phone pings again and it's a message from Remy. "How are you?" I reply "I'm good, your birthday is coming up isn't it?" as if I don't know. He explains he doesn't have any plans followed by another text "I wish I could see you." The sentiment surprises me but at the same time, it's heartwarming. I guess he doesn't hate me after all. It's been a while and I kinda wanna see him too. Not to mention I would love to get out of town. There aren't many places we can go because of covid but I remember he talked a lot about wanting to go to Montreal. In New York, although we lived so close we never got a chance to go. I suggest "Let's go to Canada for your birthday." I set myself a reminder to iron out the details after my afternoon with Nola. Later that day Nola and I made our way to the bicycle barn near the Eastside Trail. The scenery is simple, pretty, clean, and inviting. I notice we're not speaking much today. I bring up not hearing from Chi in a while. She doesn't engage. I decide not to tell her about my dad. We hop on our bikes and Nola speeds ahead... Mia stops by she's on her way to the airport and works in my neighborhood so she wanted to borrow my powder room to refreshen up. Of course, I oblige. Sharing my resource is the closest thing I have to friendships. She appears and she's beautiful, tall in high heels but concerned about the temperature on her flight so lend her my new navy blue USPS hoodie with what looks to me like a phoenix on the front... I know I'm never gonna see it again. I have a flashback to when she, Nola, and I supported her dreams of working for mary kay and I financed it. why is beyond me but that's the magic of women and Aries. I wish her safe travels... that was the last time I saw her.